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Types of Girls????

HARD-DISK Girls:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Girls:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Girls:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but no one can live without her.

SCREENSAVER Girls:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Girls:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Girls:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Girls:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Girls:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Girls:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Girls:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes, installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.

 

 

Dangerous Computer virus

 

Dear all, Someone sent me a very aggressive virus recently !!! This virus affected my mouse. I've made a picture of the damages to show you... This is only a picture of the damage, it is not the virus itself.



Computer Acronyms

 

 

ISDN - It Still Does Nothing

APPLE - Arrogance Produces Profit-Losing Entity


MICROSOFT - Most Intelligent Customers Realize Our Software Only Fools Teenagers

SCSI - System Can't See It

WINDOWS - Will Install Needless Data On Whole System

DOS Defective Operating System

BASIC Bill's Attempt to Seize Industry Control

IBM I Blame Microsoft

DEC Do Expect Cuts

CD-ROM Consumer Device, Rendered Obsolete Monthly

DVD Differing Vendor Designs

OS/2 Obsolete Soon, Too.

WWW World Wide Wait

MACINTOSH Most Applications Crash; If Not, The Operating System Hangs

PENTIUM Produces Erroneous Numbers Through Incorrect Understanding of Math

COBOL Completely Obsolete Business Oriented Language

AMIGA A Merely Insignificant Game Addiction

LISP Lots of Infuriating Silly Parenthesis

MIPS Meaningless Indication of Processor Speed

JAVA Just Amazing Vendor Assurances

PCMCIA People Can't Memorize Computer Industry Acronyms

  What's ur ID ??????????

A jobless man applied for the position of 'office boy' at Microsoft. The HR manager interviewed him then watched him cleaning the floor as a test.

"You are employed," he said. "Give me your e-mail address and I'll send you the application to fill in, as well as date when you may start".

The man replied, "But I don't have a computer, neither an e-mail."

"I'm sorry", said the HR manager," If you don't have an e-mail, that means you do not exist. And who doesn't exist, cannot have the job."

The man left with no hope at all. He didn't know what to do, with only in his pocket. He then decided to go to the supermarket and buy a 10 kg tomato crate. He then sold the tomatoes in a door to door round. In less than two hours, he succeeded to double his capital. He repeated the operation three times, and returned home with . The man realized that he can survive by this way, and started to go everyday earlier, and return late thus, his money doubled or tripled everyday.

Shortly, he bought a car, then a truck, and then he had his own fleet of delivery vehicles. 5 years later, the man is one of the biggest foods retailers in the US.

Later, he thought of starting to plan his family's future, and decided to have a life insurance. He called an insurance broker, and chose a protection plan. When the conversation was concluded, the broker asked him his e-mail. The man replied, "I don't have an e-mail."

The broker asked curiously, "You don't have an e-mail, and yet have succeeded to build an empire. Can you imagine what you could have been if you had an e-mail?!!"

The man thought for a while and replied, "Yes, I'd be an office boy at Microsoft!"

Moral of the story:

1) Internet is not the solution to your life.

2) If you don't have access to the Internet, but still work hard, you can be a Millionaire.

3) If you received this message from my space, that means u’ve missed a chance to be a Millionaire!!

HEY! I'M CLOSING ALL MY EMAIL ADDRESSES, CANCELLING INTERNET CONNECTION AND GOING TO SELL TOMATOES!!!

WISH ME LUCK

 

 

 


Software Engineer

 

Hi,

I do not know how sportively the guys can accept this fact......................

 An ambitious software engineer finally decided to take a vacation.

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, at least for a while. A hurricane came up unexpectedly. The ship went down and was lost instantly. The man found himself swept up on the shores of an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing. Only bananas and coconuts. Used to four-star hotels, this guy had no idea what to do.

So for the next four months he ate bananas, drank coconut juice, longed for his old life, and fixed his gaze on the sea, hoping to spot a rescue ship. One day, as he was lying on the beach, he spotted movement out of the corner of his eye. It was a rowboat, and in it was the most gorgeous woman he had ever seen.

She rowed up to him. In disbelief, he asked her:

"Where did you come from, and how did you get here?"

"I rowed from the other side of the island," she said." I landed here when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," the software engineer said,

"I didn't know anyone else had survived. How many of you are there? You were really lucky to have a rowboat wash up with you."

"It's only me," she said, "and the rowboat didn't wash up nothing did."

 He was confused, "Then how did you get the rowboat?"

"Oh, simple," replied the woman. "I made it out of raw material that found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum-tree branches, I wove the bottom from palm branches, and the sides and stern came from a eucalyptus tree."

"But, but, that's impossible," stuttered the man. "You had no tools or hardware - how did you manage?"

"Oh, that was no problem," the woman said. "On the south side of the island, there is a very unusual strata of exposed alluvial rock. I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature, it melted into forgeable ductile iron. I used that to make tools, and used the tools to make the hardware. But enough of that. Where do you live?"

Sheepishly, the man confessed that he had been sleeping on the beach the whole time.

"Well, let's row over to my place then," she said.  After a few minutes of rowing, she docked the boat at a small wharf. As the man looked onto shore, he nearly fell out of the boat. Before him was a stone walk leading to an exquisite bungalow painted in blue and white.

While the woman tied up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man could only stare ahead, dumbstruck.

As they walked into the house, she said casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Sit down, please. Would you like to have a drink?"

"No, no, thank you," he said, still dazed. "I couldn't drink another drop of coconut juice."

"It's not coconut juice," the woman replied. "I have made a still -  How about a Pina Colada?"

Trying to hide his continued amazement, the software engineer accepted, and they sat down on her couch to talk. After they had exchanged their stories, the woman announced, "I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to have a shower and a shave? There is a razor upstairs in the cabinet in the bathroom."

No longer questioning anything, the man went into the bathroom. There in the cabinet was a razor made from a bone handle. Two shells honed to a hollow-ground edge were fastened to its tip, inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is absolutely amazing," he mused. "What next?"

 When he returned, the woman greeted him wearing nothing but vines - strategically positioned-and smelling faintly of gardenias. She beckoned for him to sit down next to her.

 "Tell me," she began suggestively, slithering closer to him, brushing her leg against his, "We've both been out here for a very long time. You've been lonely. There's something I'm sure you really feel like doing right now, something you've been longing to do for all of these months."

 She stared into his eyes. He could not believe what he was hearing, this was like all of his dreams coming true in one day.

"You mean...," he replied, "I can check my mails from here?" !! cheers...


 


U will know u are addicted to internet when????

 

 

1. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL."

2. You talk on the phone with the same person you are sending an instant message to.

3. You meet the mailman at the curb and swear he said YOU'VE GOT MAIL.

4. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes.

5. You fall asleep, but instead of dreams you get IMs.

6. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have AOL in your car.

7. Your cat has its own homepage.

8. You beg your friends to get an AOL account so you can all "hang out."

9. You have your screen name as your license plate.

10. You actually invite large groups of people to your house and have internet parties.

11. You sit on AOL for 6 hours waiting for that certain special person to sign on.

12. You get up in the morning and check your email before going to the bathroom.

13. The only Family you send Christmas and Birthday Cards to are the ones who have an email address.

14. You’re on the phone and say "BRB".

15. Instead of forplay, you ask your spouse if she/he wants to skip the small talk and cyber.

16. You have internet in your bathroom.

17. You name your dog DotCom.

18.  You get depressed when you check your email and dont have any.

 

 




 

 
   
 

Anshul Srivastava